The day my heart broke I was sick to my stomach. No physical pain could compare to the turmoil I felt inside. It ached in my heart and soul– he told me that he did not love me anymore. I knew that it was all over, the promise, the dream, the fantasy of our life, it had all ended. The man my heart waited on, the man no other could replace, was the same man that I knew no longer felt the way I did.
Old memories seared my brain – on constant repeat – wanting so badly to go back to that place. Making matters worse the pictures, the videos, the gifts – I still had in my possession. I took a scroll down memory lane and tears filled my eyes as I reminisced over the bitter sweet memories that felt so close, yet so far away. What I thought would be my future turned out to be a distant past. I held on for so long but suddenly I was faced with the agonizing truth– he didn’t love me anymore.
The moment needed no words. When your spirit disconnects with a person you once loved and adored you just know it. You can feel the distance and separation – the truth. As painful as it may have been, “that truth” I sensed was what I needed to experience because the hope for our future placed a heavy weight on my heart. Yes it hurt. The pain was terrible, it cut deep. What was worse was that instead of letting go I continued to hold on to a man that was no longer interested in loving me.
Sometimes when your heart is broken you loose perspective. You’re so deep in that you forget that you are the only person who can bring yourself out. Sometimes when you are broken you choose to stay that way– even worse you choose to break others. I was that broken-hearted girl. Eventually my appearance began to change. I smiled, I danced, and went on living my life, but what I never fixed was the most brittle part of me. The broken-hearted girl inside just stayed broken– she, I chose not to fix. She continued to move through life but deep inside she was troubled, fearful, mistrusting, and angry. Most notably, she was waiting. Waiting on him to come back– knowing that this would only lead to her demise. On that fateful day she finally got it. The end had come. It hurt to the core, but on that day she decided that she did not want to be that broken-hearted girl anymore.