The sound of his voice, look of his face, thought of his name – I smile. It’s been a while since we’ve talked, even longer since we’ve been together but my heart still skips a beat for him. How many of you know how it feels to still be in love with the man you let go? No matter how hurt you were, how many times you said, “I hate you,” your soul is still connected?
I was beginning to think he didn’t care since I hadn’t heard from him. Hand on the dial, I wanted to call but I just didn’t know what to say. Finally I did, but the was no answer. I guess I was right, “he really is over me.”
It was surprising when his name came across my touch screen, my heart stopped. Maybe I was wrong, did he still care?
This conversation was different from our last – no sarcasm, no arguments. Time flew by as we updated each other on new beginnings and the ups and downs of our lives. We celebrated our feats and encouraged each other through our trials. For once we had a normal conversation and it felt great.
So what do you do when your love for the one you lost is still strong? Accept it. I couldn’t fight it anymore so I surrendered. Yes I still love him, and that’s okay. It doesn’t change our past, and it doesn’t mean we have to be together – who knows what the future holds? Acceptance gives me the space to feel what I feel and cope with it.
Too often we have feelings and think we have to do something about it. There may be times when you love someone, miss them, even wish you could be with them but you are not and will not be together. Sometimes love just is.
The beauty of accepting my feelings for him is that I don’t have to shut them off. I don’t have to hide them. Despite all that we have been through, is empowering. It’s a step forward in the healing process because I am no longer in denial. Even more beautiful is that fact that despite how much we both hurt over our relationship woes, a year later we can still have a pleasant conversation, share our life stories and genuinely be happy for each other. It’s been a long time coming, but I think I have finally entered that phase where I can acknowledge that I’m not quite over it. I can say, yes I still love him, and that’s okay.
All too often we try to rush through the healing process. In reality, if you truly loved someone that love doesn’t easily fade – it takes time. You may continue to have feelings for an old flame for sometime. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal. Accept how you feel each step of the way.