He’s Just Not Into You

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In this golden age of technology and the growing popularity of social networks – both take a great deal away from face-to-face interaction, so much so that it’s easy to get lost in translation; at least in terms of being courted and doing the courting. Several dating websites promote themselves as  offering a convenient method of meeting a potential beau with preferance-sorting features for the best match. However, even if you find a great date – or two – there remains a tricky part: social interaction.
I once went on a blind date with a young woman who was completely out of the range of my standards. At first sight of her, I knew, but I figured I’d give it a chance since I had requested the date. When she spoke I realized the gaps in our conversational patterns were almost inexcusable. Long story short, she concluded the “date” by offering to, “pop her [beep] for a real [beep]”. I had to decline. All of this could have been avoided had we both done a little research and she payed attention to conversational ques and subjects that expressed my lack of interest.
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From a guy’s perspective, when rejection is on the winds, we can be annoyingly smug and casual; especially if we feel as though we have the upperhand or something to gain from keeping the target around. In this situation, she may typically get blunt and brief declining responses such as, “I’m busy”, “I was out with the guys”, or “I didn’t have time”. If they’re polite, they may even concoct flowery excuses around such situations. About 78% of the time, these excuses are fraudulent. The tell-tale sign of one of these leading to rejection is the lack of follow-up. An interested guy who uses one of these excuses legitimately, would eventually make time.
In my experience, I have encountered similar tactics from the ladies. Traditionally, I apply a one-strike policy. On a few occasions, however, my interest got the best of me, I wanted to see how they would avoid the interaction, or I thought that there was still hope beyond their evasive manuevers. In my younger days, I saw the need for my one-strike policy when I was ensnared in the infamous “Friend Zone” (Twilight theme plays). Because of its efficiency, I highly recommend it for both sexes.It’s a tough world out there people. With terms like “thirsty” being passed around to describe affectionate and interested gentlemen and egos blinding everyone, it’s immensely difficult to play the courting game fairly. Do not dismay, though. In my experience, miracles have been born from the most unlikeliest of circumstances. Keep your heads up readers and don’t be afraid to get in the game.
Written by Greg Jones

Dating in Winter Wonderland

Don’t let the change of weather keep your relationship from blossoming. Here’s our list of date ideas to keep you both from freezing over in the winter months.

For The Artist In You:

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1. My Favorite – Gallery Hop

Many major cities have a night or weekend they dedicate to opening their galleries to the pubic while offering snacks and drinks. This includes boutiques, salons, and street performers. This activity allows you both to take a step into the art world for an evening.

2. Painting classes. You don’t have to be a pro to get messy and mix some colors. At the end you will have a great first picture to hang over the fireplace.

3. Theater performances, there are plenty of options ranging from dances, plays, musicals, and spoken word.

4. Poetry readings at local coffee shops. Chill out, find a cozy spot, and listen to the readings. Maybe next time you and your significant other can share a poem you wrote together.

5. DIY crafts next to the fireplace, Pinterest has many ideas and what better way to spend an evening inside with your honey.

For The Lovers Of Snow:

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1. My Favorite – Ski Trip:

Pack your bags and your favorite pair of snow boots for a trip to hit the slopes. Whether you are pro or beginner, this date idea is great for a good laugh and bringing you both together while learning new ticks. After, enjoy some hot cocoa by the fire and snuggle up in the lodge.

2. Ice-skating, although, this may be cliché, holding hands and skating around a Christmas tree never gets old.

3. Sled riding. Channel your inner child and search for the largest hill in town. This entertaining activity will have you laughing all afternoon.

4. Build a snowman. Working together with your sweetie to build a snowman is easy and you will have a reminder of the time you spent together all winter (or at least until he melts).

5. Horse drawn carriage ride in the park. Swoon, how romantic, this is a perfect way to get close to your significant other while taking in the sights.

For The Music Gurus:

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1. My Favorite – Concert:

Do you both have a favorite artist or band? Attending a concert together is an exciting way to get out of the house, let your hair down, and sing some tunes.

2. Go out dancing. Put on that new dress and show of your moves, this lets you and your honey to get close while exploring a new scene.

3. Ballroom/Salsa dance classes. Having to work together while learning a skill is a great way to sync together your minds and bodies.

4. Enjoy a local musician, whether you prefer rock music or folk there is a place where you can find it.

5. Karaoke, you don’t have to have the most beautiful voice to belt you’re the lyrics to you and your lovers “song”

For The Inner Chef:

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1. My Favorite – Cooking Classes:

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right?  Enjoy an evening of making a delicious meal together. Local restaurants and culinary schools offer a variety of classes ranging from one-on-one lesson to a Mexican fiesta. After, enjoy the leftovers and show off your new talents to friends and family.

2. Make marshmallows over the fire. Too cold to make a campfire so why not bring it indoors where you can enjoy a sweet snack.

3. Wine/Beer tasting. Let loose and enjoy your local wine and beer. You might just find a new favorite.

4. Try new restaurant. There are constantly new places opening right around the corner that you keep saying you are going to try. Make plans for an evening and indulge in your neighborhoods newest addition.

5.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen. There are plenty of ways to offer a helping hand this season and this allows for you to spend the afternoon getting to know your significant other a little better.

For The Cuddlers:

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1. My Favorite – Stargaze: Make sure to grab a sleeping bag and a few extra layers before lying under the night sky. This is a romantic way for you both to bundle up and get close while excluding the rest of the world.

2. Build a pillow pile. Bring all the pillows and blankets into the living room and enjoy making an adult fort for the both of you to relax after a long day.

3. Shopping for new blankets and sweaters, get ready for all those holiday parties and prepare your living room for winter with new fuzzy blankets.

4. Movie and wine night. Get cozy on the couch while watching your favorite classic or newly released movie and don’t forget the wine glasses.

5.  Play with puppies at your local shelter or pet store. This always brings a smile to my face and is a fun way to spend time with your significant other. Who knows you might end up with a new addition to the apartment.

Whether you enjoy the brisk outdoors or mixing up something new in the kitchen I hope this list inspires you to keep your relationship exciting when the winter months approach.  Try something different from each category every week and go beyond your usual date night activities!

Written by: Sydney Cologie dream “job” is doing PR for a fashion magazine or retail company. She enjoy reading my horoscope and am often spilling hot coffee on myself. Inspired by city life, swing sets, and over-sized sweaters the world is her oyster. Making up new words & watching cartoons are just a few of her favorite past-times along with buying unnecessary calendars and dreaming of owning a kitten.

Why One-Night Stands Aren’t All They’re Cracked Up to Be

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Let’s face it lovelies. How many of your one-night stands were successful?  By successful, I’m talking about how you felt afterwards, not how good the sex felt. Did you feel amazing? Blissful? Like you’ve created a long-lasting bond?

Okay, so the one-night-stand was all those things? Good for you, but for many of us, that probably isn’t the reality. Instead of feeling happy, perky and luminous, after a one-night stand, we often feel our worst. I’ll be the first to admit the flaws of the one-night-stand because honey, it just isn’t that fun.

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What We Get From Sex

We have sex to bond, and we bond to have sex!

  • Sex between a couple establishes and helps maintain bonding.  The more regular the sex, the closer, more long-lasting the bond.
  • Sex releases endorphins, which explains the happy-sappy feelings we get afterward.
  • Sex has been said to increase self-esteem and optimism.

But  it’s not just any sex that creates these beneficial effects.  It’s usually about who you’re sharing it with, that makes the difference.

One-night-stands are about as different as masturbation is to sex. Similar to how you might feel after masturbation — with a one-night stand, there’s no connection, bonding or blissful afterglow. Not that masturbation or one night stands aren’t enjoyable, but there’s nothing like an endearing human touch from someone you have a lasting connection with.

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Consider the main reasons we have sex

  • Chemistry  bonding and/or to express love

How can you know you have chemistry with someone you just met?  They might be attractive and mysterious, but chemistry doesn’t usually develop after a single round of drinks.

Without chemistry, can a one-night stand really be as great as sex with someone who you have a bond with?

If we don’t know our bed-buddy, how can we bond through sex?  It makes more sense to first bond by getting to know each other.

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What We Get from One-Night Stands

Feelings of being used, or being a sex object, lowered self-esteem, regrets and fears of STD’s or whether he will call you tomorrow are common after a one night stand.

Besides that, how many of us have wasted our time wondering why we weren’t good enough for him/her to have more than just one night of sex with. Are we not good enough for him to want to get to know us outside of the bedroom?  Having sex with someone who shows us his love and care, is shown to lead to the opposite of what one might feel after a one-night stand. Sex  with a caring partner usually leads to bliss, bonding, and higher self-esteem.

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Why We Bother with One-Night Stands

I’d bet that some do it with hopes of a relationship.  For others, it’s the thrill. But besides a thrill, there’s little else a one-night stands has to offer. Plus, there are plenty of ways to find thrills without putting yourself at risk for STD’s, emotional pain, regrets anger and low self-esteem.

There may be some who have had one-night stands without such experiences, but generally sex with someone we know and care about will probably leave us more fulfilled.

Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

8 Signs He Just Wants To…Fudge

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Let’s face it lovelies, sometimes the dating game isn’t always so pleasant. Finding a man that interests you can be difficult, especially when you have to sift through all the mess. How do you know when a man really is interested in getting to know you, for you, someone that is interested in more than your body. Some men are straight forward and they tell you like it is. Whether  you like it or not you know where he stands and you can choose to act accordinaly. But what about men who aren’t so straight forward, how do you know their intentions? We can’t read minds, but here are 8 signs that he may not be interested in you for the long run, and to keep it frank, he just may want your, let’s call it…fudge. 😉

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1. Late night calls: There’s not much you can really do after 11pm is there, especially on a work night?! If we continually calls you after hours, he may only be interested in doing things of the night. Yes lovelies, it may really just be a booty call.

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2. Text only: Yes, we are in the new millennium and texting is a normal means of communication. It serves a function -maintains communication without  much effort and can be a quick way to get an answer you want. But getting to know someone through texts only, can be quite difficult. Sometimes, picking up the phone is actually a sign that he wants to get to know you on a deeper level.

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3. Dating – In: A good home cooked meal can be quite tasty, and spending time watching television with your beau can be pretty relaxing and romantic. However, when you’re just getting to know a person, and the only place you see him is inside your home, that may tell you something. Perhaps you both are homebodies and that serves you well. But, it may also mean that he only wants to see you in private and to do private things. Just food for thought.

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4. “Let’s kick it”: My pet peeve! What does that mean? Kick a ball? Sure, soccer, tether, I like to play! But really, when a guy uses this phrase to me it reads that he doesn’t take you seriously. Basically I interpret that as “can I come over” or “you can come over” which brings us back to dating-in. Really what can come from that?

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5. Texts ain’t about nothing: As you can see, texting is a trend in this post. Texts that “ain’t about nothing” go a little something like this, “hey” “What’s up” “Nothing” “Chillin” “Cool” “okay” “good.” Basically, one line sentences. What’s the point? Try expanding your vocabulary and really tell me what you want.

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6. Goes M.I.A.: How many of you have had men that cycle in and out of your life? One minute he’s hitting you with the “let’s kick it,” or a one-liner, “what’s up” and then you don’t hear from him for two months. But good old faithful always comes back, the thing is, his game often does not change. I guess that only makes you insane for expecting something different, right

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7. Does not talk about the future: A men that sees you in his future will talk about it, pretty simple. And we’re not talking about those guys that sale you false dreams. We all know boys like that who say they will give you the world and don’t have a pot to piss in, leave them be. A man who wants you for the short run will use language as such. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him or that his feelings might not change, but just beware.

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8. Invites you to party, only: We already got an insider perspective on the ways men categorize women, fun and smart, pretty simplistic but it gets the job done. Well one way you know a man has put you into the “I want to just have fun with this girl” category, is if he only invites you to “fun” things. Now I know this may sound weird but hear me out. A man that really likes you and takes you seriously will probably want to share many parts of his life with you, fun things of course, but also serious and sensitive parts. If a guy only invites you to party, date-in, and nothing else, it probably means you’re in the fun space. Bottle popping might be fun, but what happens when the drink fizzles out?

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So Lovelies, here are some tall tell signs that a guy may really only be interested in the physical. It may not be the case all the time, but if this sounds familiar you may want to give it some thought. Now that you know, the ball is in your court. You may like fudge so it may be okay. Yes, sometimes, girls just want to have fun. The choice is up to you!

 

What it Means to be “Sex-Positive”

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Today, the term “sex-positive” has become an entire movement. “Sex-positivity” is a word often used in a positive light to describe a person or group.  It classes together opinions as either “sex-positive” or “sex-negative.”

“Sex positivity” generally refers to someone who views sex and sex education as positive. It is being in favor of healthy sex education, awareness, and an openness to talk about sex without feeling shame.

Today, I think most people would agree that healthy sex education is a positive thing for the world. I’m a firm believer in the saying “knowledge is power,” because the more we know, the more control we have.

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Results of  Sex Positivity

If we’re not ashamed to talk about sex, to educate about sex, and to get answers, we’ll  have the power to make informed decisions.

If we’re not ashamed to discuss and teach how to care for our sexual organs,  we’ll fear them less and know how to take care of ourselves without panic or ignorance. We’re taught as soon as we grow teeth how to brush them. Our downstairs should be no exception, yet many people never learn how to care for their genitals properly. Most of us are taught how to wash, yes, but what about yeast infections? How to prevent them or care for them if they occur? What about how to clean the folds, or what discharge is and what the variations can signify about our health?

We wouldn’t  worry about what STDs looks like, if we’re properly educated on the causes and symptoms.

Many teach STD education to youngsters, but not with enough information. If so perhaps the confusion over an ingrown hair (it isn’t a splinter, promise) wouldn’t be so common.

We wouldn’t worry if pregnancy can result from oral sex, if we’re taught what causes pregnancy and what doesn’t.

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How many sex education classes teach that other part of sex – non-consensual intercourse? The part that happens at least every 2 minutes in the U.S. according to the R.A.I.I.N. Network (which I’d confidently say is a gross understatement considering the sexual assaults that go unreported.) What about the part that saying no means no at any time? The part that forcing yourself on a non-compliant person is a bad thing?

In that light, many label ourselves as “sex-positive” because we want to be fully educated on these things, and want the same for our kids.

Sex-positivity simply means embracing and enjoying ourselves as sexual beings.

Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

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