Over 30, Single, and Childless

black-woman-happy-crop

Image Source

I never believed in the concept of a biological clock. I always resented the idea of it and believed it to be yet another derogatory term thrown at women to make us feel inadequate, desperate, and needy – similar to way that the term PMS (another concept I don’t believe in) has been used.  However, my refusal to acknowledge its existence came to head almost immediately after I turned 30. I was newly single, fresh out of a long-term relationship, and with no prospects in sight. Not that I was looking. I enjoyed my return into singledom and although I joked about being “old”, I welcomed the new decade wholeheartedly. I’d never been so sure of who I was as a woman and what I wanted out of life. I knew I was entering quite possibly the best phase of my life, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that a different feeling also overcame me. I was 30, single, and childless.

I began to hear the ominous ticking of my biological clock six months after my entrance into club 30. It was last year’s Mother’s Day and as typical with every Mother’s Day, someone had absentmindedly wished me a happy one, as if my being a woman of a certain age automatically meant that I was a mother. My awkward yet polite rejection of this person’s expression of gratitude had triggered a feeling I had never before felt. All of sudden that day transitioned from one in which I celebrated how awesome a mother I had to one that reminded me how I was not returning that awesomeness to any children of my own. All I kept thinking was I’ll be 31 years old in six months; 31, single and childless. And now as this year’s Mother’s Day quickly approaches, the thought has popped into my mind yet again. Only this time I’ll be 32 in six months, still single and still very much childless.

I know. 32 is hardly old and although my clock is ticking away, I’m not too stressed about it. I would love to have children but I wouldn’t be devastated if it doesn’t happen. Still, I must admit that with each passing year, the ticks are getting louder and they’re usually the loudest around Mother’s Day. This year is certainly no different. So as Mother’s Day approaches, I thought about what a single, childless 30-something woman is supposed to do on a day that makes you feel a little alienated or perhaps even a bit inadequate.

aunt

Image Source 

I recently came across Savvy Auntie, a lifestyle brand solely dedicated for the childless yet maternal woman, either by circumstance or by choice. Its founder, Melanie Notkin, developed an acronym for these women called PANK, or Professional Aunt No Kids. Contrary to its name, PANK does not just refer to biological aunts, but is inclusive of all women who have chosen to participate in the lives of children who may or may not be of relation. While they are not mothers themselves, PANKS are nonetheless maternal in their love and care for the children in their lives. I immediately took on the title.

As I caroused through the Savvy Auntie’s website, I realized that being a PANK isn’t so bad. It surely has all the perks of being a mom without actually being one. PANKS deal with the fun stuff like my favorite: spending a day of sugar-filled fun with your favorite kiddies while mom deals with the not-so-fun stuff that happens when you return them home. Still there is no doubt that while being a PANK is great, there are also times when it can be difficult – including Mother’s Day.

Ironically, it was a childless woman named Anna Jarvis who founded Mother’s Day in the early 1900’s. Her idea of the day was not limited to celebrating women who had bore children, as it is today, but also to those who played the role of “mother” in whatever way allowed them. Stepmothers, godmothers, and aunts, like herself, were recognized. So in honor of Anna Jarvis, this Mother’s Day I will not only celebrate the awesomeness of mothers worldwide, I will also celebrate my fellow PANKS who deserve some love too, just as Anna envisioned.

Tamara Jenkins is a real Jersey girl. She’s independent, opinionated, and loves her sports. When she’s not watching her favorite teams, she’s reading, practicing yoga or working on a few books she hopes will get published one day. She also may or may not be training for a 5k race. With a belief that life is what you make of it, Tamara doesn’t merely want to survive life; she wants to live it.

5 Things Single Folks Do Wrong

What are single folks doing wrong – that keep them single? I’m talking to the singles who wish to be in a relationship, not those who have it all together and are not seeking advice from an ex-single woman. After observing some of my single friends, I noticed a few common factors, and now we’re about to rip them to shreds:

i hate

1. “Something must be wrong with me since I can’t find the right one.”

Nothing is wrong with you! Repeat after me: nothing is wrong with me.

Stop comparing yourself to other people’s relationships, and for Pete’s sake, stop listening to the TV’s version of single folks (ahem Ted from How I met your mother!) You are not those characters, and being single doesn’t mean you must be doing something wrong. Stop trying to fix yourself each weekend when you go home without a date.

Everything is right with you.  I would bet that the minute you stop focusing on what must be wrong with you, or what you need to fix in order to start bringing in the men/women, you’ll begin to see a whole new world of people who catch your interest, and who might even share the interest. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our singledom to even notice those dates we’re praying so hard for at night!

go-no-excuses

2.  Needing a relationship.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but the minute you start saying “I need a man/woman because….”, is the minute you’re basically telling the universe that you can’t live without this special someone. You’ll never get what you want by needing it too much.

Learn to feel (even just a little) okay without having someone to come home to. Sounds crappy, but when you tell yourself that you’re okay with being alone for a while (even if this isn’t true), you’ll start reaping what you’ve sown all this time. Holding on too tightly seems to do the opposite of what we really want, so practice letting go just a tiny bit, and see if you don’t soon begin meeting potential loves.

postive

3. You’ve developed the never-gonna-happen mentality.

Never develop the never-gonna-happen mentality! Or you know what will happen? Exactly what you proclaim — nothing. When you’re constantly feeding yourself these ideas that something will never happen for you, that is exactly what you’ll get! So, as corny as it is, take the advice of Earl Nightingale and begin with more positive thinking. You’ll be amazed at what that simple task alone will do for you.

quote
4. “I’ll never get anyone because my standards are just too high.”There’s no such thing, so stop giving yourself that excuse. Having standards just means that you know what you and need in a man or woman. While relationships are about compromise, you don’t have to give up your core wants and needs. Figure out what it is that you value the most in a partner and use that to help you find the beau that best suits you. Just because you have standards doesn’t mean you can’t find anyone. It actually means you can more easily sift through the ones that aren’t a good fit.

couple happy

5. “The kind of man/woman I want just doesn’t exist.”

Again, there’s no such thing, so stop using that excuse. I can assure you, the kind of person you’ve dreamed of is out there. If you are a fan of the Law of Attraction, you’ll realize this as truth. The qualities that you are looking for in your partner are out there and continue to put those into the universe. As you date you can use this as a barometer for your compatibility with another. Flexibility is key – sometimes your dream man or woman does not come in the package you exected. But if you are open to it you just might unwrap the gift and realize he or she was all that you ever asked for. This means being open to meeting and getting to know people – and realizing that you deserve your desires and you can have them . Yes you’re dream man or woman is out there – open your eyes.

Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

Celebrate Valentines Day as a Single Woman

image-400x400

Thought you had to skip celebrating the day of love simply because you’re single? Oh, darling we’re happy to tell you that you’re so wrong. Single is no excuse not to celebrate and give to the person you’ve loved longer than anyone else in your lifetime — yourself! We present you with 3 incredible ways to celebrate loving you (and actually enjoy yourself) this Valentine’s day, despite being alone.

378356_1292268883_large

1. Sexy Shopping Spree

Why bother when you have no lover to slip into new lingerie for, you ask? Because it isn’t about a significant other. When we get dressed for a typical day, we choose clothing that makes us feel good. Why should lingerie be any different? Dressing up is something many of us have enjoyed since childhood. Remember all the fun and excitement that came with it? That’s exactly the kind of fun you experience when you drop your inhibitions and take a day to dress up in something sexy that makes you feel great. Dressing up in lingerie is just the adult version of a childhood pastime.

lady-bed6556278XSmall

2. Get Intimate… with yourself

Who said you needed a lover for that special V-day orgasm we all long for? Grab ol’ trusty and show yourself some love, or better yet…spend your Valentine’s day scoping out adult stores. Pick up a new, awesome-looking vibrator for a Valentine’s night thrill. Go all out and combine your new toy adventure with number one on our list (the lingerie shopping spree!) for an even bigger V-day bang.

Figure_24_RGB-400x400

3. Set a Goal and Begin Right Away

Lastly, end your thrill-filled night by setting a goal, and making a step towards it. Just stepping outside of your normal routine and doing something out of the ordinary — even if it is late and you have work the next day — is a whole new excitement in itself. Nothing is more fulfilling than making strides towards a goal no matter how small. Best of all, you’ll have something to look forward to at the end of the V-day night, even if it is just a painting your wall.

Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

Love Yourself First

love-yourself-first

The longest, most reliable relationship in life is the one you have with yourself. Sure, it’s great to have someone beside you, but at the end of the day it’s important to be happy. This means not being afraid to pamper yourself and give yourself a little lovin’ too!

You work hard. Whether it’s school, a family or just trying to make it to the gym, it can be easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day stresses of life. That’s why it’s important to slow down, take a deep breath and reward yourself for doing the best that you can. So buy those new running shoes, grab that candy bar at the checkout or buy that novel that you’ve been eyeing up! You work hard and treating yourself every now and then only makes life easier.

lovrtodayUntitled

Personal time is something that many of us don’t get very often. Without time to unwind and relax, we easily lose our sense of who we are and our goals in life. It’s important to take as much or as little time that we can get at the end of the day unwinding and taking in the highlights and lowlights of the day. Starting a journal can be a great way to not only reward yourself, but to keep you on track with life goals and accomplishments that can so often slip away from us.

lovelunch

Why not take yourself out to lunch? Sure, the ‘table for one’ can get a bad rap, but sometimes grabbing a quick lunch or sitting at the coffee house alone to get some work done is not only a great change of pace, but can be more productive as well. We’re not saying to get rid of all the company in your life, but taking time every now and then to be your own company can be just as great.

lovebath

If you’re not comfortable heading out of the house by yourself, there are a million and one ways to show yourself some love at home too! One of the best ways to pamper yourself is with an at-home spa day. Start with a relaxing bubble bath followed by a pedicure and your old, favorite movie. Nothing’s better than taking a well deserved day in to unwind from the week and give yourself some lovin’!

Whether it’s an afternoon out or a late night in, it’s important to take some ‘me’ time and relax and unwind from our crazy, beautiful lives. No matter how much we try to live up staying organized and on track with our lives, everyone needs some time to rekindle the greatest relationship of all –the one we have with ourselves.

Written by: Kali Borovic As a student journalist, this fashionista, stargazing enthusiast and fitness aficionado loves to write about anything from health to fashion. With a passion for DIY projects and cooking, this Ohio born writer spends most of her time looking up new crafts or coming up with at-home beauty recipes for her blog, Naturally Beautiful. Kali loves to read about any topic under the sun and knows that life is best spent in lipstick, leggings and an oversized sweater.

The Gift of Orgasm is Coming This Year Part 2

singlexmasgiftkiss-1024x640

It was so steamy in our first Gift of Orgasm article that we had to give you a part two – tips for single gals to pleasure themselves solo!

Replicate sex

Realistic dildos are designed to replicate intercourse with a male. Not identical to having a partner, but this makes giving yourself a Holiday orgasm even more fun. Amongst the most popular are dildos made from material called “VixSkin” or “CyberSkin” or “SuperSkin” or “PureSkin,” etc. Basically, if it has the word “skin” in the material’s name, it’s designed to feel like skin. The downside: “skin-dildos” requires more care than your average silicone-material because the highly porous “skin” materials mean it holds bacteria, and isn’t best for long-term use due to risk of infection. The next best thing to “skin-like” dildos are realistically shaped ones made from safe silicone.

Singlegspotaroualgel

The G-spot Gal

A favorite G-spot toy, Envie. G-spot toys are the perfect gift for the girl who wants to experience the “gush” or “squirt” everyone talks about. First, you must locate your G-spot before you can begin to stimulate it. Once you have, it can be one of the best orgasms you’ll experience. Some women are able to orgasm via manual stimulation (1-2 fingers vigorously rubbing the anterior wall of the vagina — the spot where you feel a ridged-like texture, and when pressed, you’ll feel a need-to-urine-like sensation) or using  a toy designed to stimulate the g-spot. Just like the other orgasms, the G-spot is no exception, as some need a heavy-duty g-spotter with an intense curve in its design (like the Pure Wand, a steel, pricey dildo).

Some like Pure Wand. Others, like myself, can achieve the g-spot orgasm via more affordable, slightly curved toys (such as the Lia G-Bliss vibrator, a favorite). Another inexpensive option for those who are able to reach their G-spot is creams, like “Tickle Her G-Spot,” to improve sensation. The cream is applied directly to the G-spot, and results in swelling, making it easier to find. It may also make it more sensitive to stimulation, therefore making the G-spot orgasm easier to achieve. It can be used with a G-spot toy or fingers.

snglebullet

Take the Bullet

Bullet vibrators can be used for external stimulation, and some for internal, too. Bullets tend to have powerful vibrations with a hint of buzziness to them, which can either be perfect for you, or too intense and result in what I call Numb Clit Syndrome.

For those of us who prone to NCS, using a bullet internally and leaving it in place is enticing. Once in place, your hands can manually or electronically massage the clitoris for added stimulation.

singletoy

Girl On-The-Go

Another favorite of mine is a hands-free vibrator that can be tucked away in your undies, while you use your hands to explore or just slip it in for a thrill outside the house. I love a good strap-on clitoral vibrator, which is a vibrator that sits on the outside of your vulva and is held on by straps, too. My favorite and often used hands-free vibrator is Noa, a toy that stimulates the G-spot, with an outer “stem” that nudges against the clitoris.

Oral Simulators

Even oral sex lovers can have the next best thing. SaSi — a toy labeled an “oral simulator” is said to help achieve a similar-to-oral-sex orgasm. It has a “nub” under a layer of silicone that moves back and forth to simulate the sensation of tongue movements.

A more budget-friendly version, and favorite of mine, is the Sqweel 2. It has small silicone “tongues” that rotate on a wheel and flap against the skin.

Happy Self-Gifting Lovelies!

 Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...