Will It Ever Be Me?

On the day that would have been my anniversary I must reckon with the question “Will it ever be me?” I know. I’m young. I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I have a lot going for myself that love can “wait.”

I was on facebook when I saw a beautiful display commemorating the love of a couple on their anniversary. Whenever I see public displays of love, I get happy because I love LOVE! But every now and then a little sad for myself. Maybe it’s just that time of year because this time my heart was heavy. Loneliness, a little despair, but mostly anxiety crept in.  I wouldn’t say it’s jealousy, but it did make me feel left out.  

Sometimes I feel like, am I not good enough? Can I not be the one in that framed picture on display for all the world to see? Is there no man that will love me enough to declare it to everyone? A true love. A selfless love. A sacrificial love. Enduring. One that lasts forever. Will I Ever?

Sometimes I feel alone in this, but I know there is someone else who understands me? A person who too questions, when is it my day? When will it be my turn to be loved unconditionally?

The psychology in me can’t end this without a reflection of self. So, I say if you want to be loved unconditionally you must first love yourself. Be willing to give and receive love, when the time comes. You can’t force it if it’s not there, nor can you fight it when it is. Just accept love when it knocks at your door. Sometimes you may not even expect the person on the other side when you open it. 

Look at this public displays of love with a different mind set, one of hope, a reminder that Love is out there, if only I would just wake up and smell the roses

Imagining Him

This one is for the lovelies with a little bit of imagination.

I can imagine him. Our life. Together. Our tradition. Sunday Funday. Just me and him. In our own zone. We head to lunch after service. Just him and I trying out a new restaurant, his attempt to open up my palate from burgers and fries to eating non traditional cuisine. I can see him now spoon-feeding me something I’ve never tied before, my eyes closed, face squinted anticipated the taste of something I wouldn’t like. Then it meets my taste buds and well it isn’t that bad after all. I open my eye and there he is, with a kiss to follow. “See, I told you it was good. Trust me.”

It’s his day to surprise me. And having crossed off many of the items from my bucket list, he takes me to yet another activity that I have always wanted to do but no one else took the time to enjoy with me. This time, it’s paintballing. He warns me “you know this hurts,” but I don’t care I’m in competition mode, so we strap into our gear and head out for a little fun! We chase each other around, ducking and diving as paintball fly by. It’s the thrill I always wanted until, uh oh, I’m hit! Being the drama queen I am I yelp out, and of course my beau knows the deal. He rushes to my side, nestles me to safety, gives me a pep talk to get back out there and kisses my pain away. It’s on, a little bit of Bonnie and Clyde and we are seeking revenge against those who targeted me!

After our paintball fight we head home and because he knew my body would be sore  he runs a nice hot bath just for me, some sparkling wine and cheese and let’s me rest. An incredible smell meets my nose and when I come out from my bath my beau is in the kitchen whipping up a delicious meal. He serves me dinner by candlelight overlooking the city we’ve conquered together. And of course we have dessert to cap the night off. 

Come on, I know I’m not the only one who spends time daydreaming about prince charming. Just thought I’d share one of my fantasies. Now that I have broken the ice, don’t be shy, leave a comment to share your own!! 

Singledom

Okay lovelies so we all find ourselves here from time to time. Some of us more than others. While singledom can sometimes feel like purgatory it can actually be a woman’s heaven. This is the time in your life when you can just focus on you. That’s right, it’s your time to be selfish! So what should you do with your time? Here are 3 things you can do to maximize this opportunity. Yes we like to think of it as an opportunity because so much can come from this, if you’re open to it.

1. Focus on your career: What better time to put all you got into what you want. This may look different for different people. Perhaps you have more time to study and get those A’s. Maybe you can focus on your next promotion. And if you’re like us, you can start your own business. One thing is for sure, you will find yourself with a lot of free time. What you do with it is up to you!

2. Soul search: Yes there is a reason why you’re last relationship didn’t work. If it was meaningful to you perhaps you can use this time to focus on what happened. Don’t burden yourself or play the blame game. It’s just a time to figure out how you can grow for your next relationship. And of course think about what you want and need in a partner (More to come on this).

3. Last but not least, Date!: Hey, why not? You’re single, sexy, and free. Go out from time to time. Meet new people. Really it’s okay! If you’re fresh from a break up perhaps you’re not ready or just not interested. But sometimes taking that first date is just what you need to let you know everything is going to be okay. To remind yourself that all wasn’t lost in your break up. Yup! You still got it!

Happy singledom lovelies. Embrace it!

Shouldn’t I be married now?

 

            

Comfortably settled in my mid-twenties, I look at my life and see all the amazing things I am doing. Graduate school, a magazine, pageant, publishing, my future looks bright. Not only does my future look bright but I have a social life, friends and family who love and support me and I have been able to travel to new and familiar places. I’m mid-twenty and hey I’m living and exploring life.

Despite all the areas in my life that are rocking there is one area that I just can’t seem to fill. When I look around me sometimes I wonder, am I doing all of this at the expense of my love life? When I was younger I had my life planned out. By this time I figured I’d be married or at least close to it. However, breaking up with a man I wanted so badly to marry pushed me into this hyper work mode and right now I’m focused on fulfilling my dreams. But what about love? Is that in the cards for me?

I can’t help but notice some of my peers, mid-twenties and married, or at least on their way. Just how I thought I’d be but marriage seems nowhere near close to being my reality. Sometimes I do wonder, what about me? Will I just be a driven career woman but single the rest of my life? What’s wrong with me? I get scared. I get worried. The odds seemed stacked against me.  Can anyone else understand?

As soon as my self-deprecating thoughts pass another stream of thought flows. Time is of the essence. Don’t rush it. Stay in Your lane. I realize that sometimes we have a tendency to catastrophize. Yes I am mid-twenty but that means I still have another 75 years of life left (crossing my fingers)! That’s a lot of time. Not only that but I look at my dreams and aspirations and realize this is the time to make those things happen. This is the one time in my life to be “selfish” and worry about my wants and needs. This is my time to explore the world and myself to figure out who I am. This is my time, so why rush it? If marriage is in my cards it will happen.

With a divorce rate at about 50% the worst thing for me would be to rush what I am not ready for. When I think about it, a commitment of that magnitude is not right for me at this point in my time. I’m building. I’m exploring. I’m figuring things out. When I look at other people, marriage fits them. That’s their pace. But that’s just not mine and that’s okay. I have to stay in my lane the same way they have to stay in theirs. If we stay in our own lanes we will all get to our own destinations at the right time. The perfect time for each of us.

Shouldn’t I be married now? That’s a question many of us ask. What I notice is that when we use the word “should” we often are making judgments about ourselves using another person’s ruler. What is right for me may not be right for you. Instead of focusing on living up to other’s expectations I’m deciding to live up to my own. When I get married it will be at the right time for me. So I embrace Singledom. That’s the only way it can be. Does anyone else feel me?

Smell the Roses

If you’re not careful this day can make you ruminate on all the things you don’t have in life but only if you let it. Focus on all the great things you have.

 SMELL THE ROSES.

The roses: all the people placed in your life to show you enduring love.

If you think of is this way, how could this day ever make you sad? It could only remind you that one day is not good enough to encompass all the love you get from those who care about you each day of the year

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