5 Stages of a Breakup

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Breaking up with a beau is best described as a process. You are likely experience a variation of emotions and that’s okay. Here are 5 stages of a Breakup. You may not experience all of these emotions or you may experience them in different orders, but one thing is for sure, these stages provide a glimpse into what it feels like to go through a break up.

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Denial: Shock may be one of the first emotions you experience. You may be in disbelief about your loss. For some of us this may come with “whew” (whipping the forehead) because you may be relieved to finally have your freedom. Others may experience a paralyzing disbelief, “what do I do now?” This may too be accompanied by acting as if everything is “okay” when the truth of the matter is that you are probably bubbling over with emotions.

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Anger: All the worst things about your break up might surface – you are angry about all the things he or she put you through. The thought of your ex’s name upsets you so much so that you may need to take out some of your aggression – punching bag, constant conversations with your girlfriends, or dare we say it – even verbal battles with your past beau. This stage may have your emotions on high alert!

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Depression: Many say anger is a secondary emotion and that underneath is usually a sense of loss and dispair. If this is true, once the anger wears off you may be left feeling desolate – with a broken heart. All the things you hated about your ex are overridden with all the great memories you had. You may experience an intense void, wishing things could be different.

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Bargaining: Wishful dispair may turn to you thinking about all the what ifs, should haves, could haves, and would haves. You may blame yourself for the demise and wonder what would have happened if you handled things diferently. You probably contemplate calling him or her and some of us even do. Others may sit by the phone wishing their ex would call or wonder by old spots just hoping the two of you will run in to each other. The facebook and twitter stalking comes next prying on his or her every move, “how could he or she be so happy without me?”

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Acceptance: It’s not the easiest thing to do but eventually we all hopefully come to this place. We may not necessarily like it but we accept that our relationship is over. We experience a myriad of emotions but instead of trying to deny or evade them we learn to deal with the sadness, anger, and sense of abandonment. This leads to healing – the point at which we can fully, wholly, and healthily move forward knowing that this person may be a significant memory but doesn’t have to define our existence. We embrace the losses in life  and we continue live.

What do you think lovelies?

Managing Your Anger

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Some of us may have we grown up thinking that anger is a bad thing– we were told to stifle our anger and to hide it. On the opposite end, some of us express our anger every time we feel it, sometimes with lasting negative consequences. Despite its expression, anger itself is adaptive. It lets us know when something is not right and provides an opportunity for us to correct the issue. The problem is not being angry, it is what we do with that anger.
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Anger becomes a problem when it is not properly dealt with. I like to think of anger expression on a spectrum– from explosive to repressive. You will note that both ends of the spectrum can be destructive. When you are explosive you react to your anger in exaggerated ways. Your anger response is so overly excited that you are easily triggered and which can lead to numerous verbal and physical altercations.
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On the opposite end, having an inhibited anger response may mean that you try to repress your anger and avoid expressing it. When something angers you, you tend keep it in. The problem is that you can never truly keep emotions locked in. It festers and eats away at you– it might build up so much that one day the slightest transgression can lead you explode to in rage.
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The key to anger is acknowledging it and expressing it appropriately. You must first note that you are angry and accept the feeling. Think about what has angered you and decide an appropriate course of action. People who have anger problems tend to respond the same way. Since different situations anger you– your response should be in accordance to that situation. Once you have decided and carried out the course of action to remedy the problem, always reflect and evaluate what has happened. What was your response? Did the outcome match what you expected? Are you still angry?  What, if anything, could have been done differently?
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