We’ve all had a bad breakup, or two, or fifty. We’ve heard our girlfriends (or ourselves) express hatred for the monstrous ex to anyone who will listen. Of course we hate him. He broke our heart!
But vehemently hating our ex, is a clue that we’re probably still in love.
Ever noticed how once we get over it – the anger, the sadness – we no longer feel the urge to share how much we hate him? That’s because we’re over him, the anger, the fake hate, and over being in love.
During the process of “hating” him, we didn’t stop loving him and we know it. We know while we’re screaming that we hate him (and prefer him castrated for breaking our heart), we still love him, because you can’t just flip the turn-off-love button.
This isn’t a women’s-only thing, either. Men do it, too. The key is deciphering if we’re expressing anger by claiming to hate our ex, or if we’re just still in love.
Now, let’s go over three reasons women take their exes back
1. There’s the obvious — you still love him, despite the ugly breakup. So when he asks to see you, you hit your wardrobe like you’ve been invited to walk the red carpet.
Why? Because you’ve been suffering from Breakup-Syndrome for however long, and when you get an inkling that he’ll take you back, you’re ready to drop the suffering just to make that pain go away — which would mean taking him back – even if you know it’ll end badly again.
Taking the pain away and feeling happy again, even if for only a while sounds worth it to you. Hey, you can always go through the pain of breaking up again after you’ve been the happy reunited couple for a while. That’s called procrastination.
The good news is, if it ends badly again, it seems easier since you knew it was inevitable.
2. Or perhaps the breakup left you two with unfinished business. You feel like you didn’t finish things the way you wanted to. We go into this with a mindset that we can either turn things around and make it work, or we have this subconscious desire to end it our way, on our own timing. Then, the process would be easier on us, so we think.
3. It could be my last chance for love! I must fix things or else I may never find “love” again. Besides, it’s better than being alone forever, right?
Don’t fool yourself and fall into thinking you’ll never find love again. It isn’t too late. No, you aren’t getting too old for love. You aren’t running out of time. While this is a top reason we go back to exes, it shouldn’t be enough of a reason to go back. Instead of thinking it’s your last chance at love, try imagining that taking your ex back could cause you to lose out on your actual “soul-mate.”
4. Security. Whether it’s financial or you just don’t feel safe and secure being alone. It’s hard to break because fear such as this is often deeply ingrained within us. If you have an on-again- off-again relationship that’s damaging, you’ll feel like a brand new woman when you’re ready and free enough to break the shackles that bond you so tightly to another person.
5. You don’t want to be lonely. You can’t stand it. It’s so scary it hurts, that old enemy, being alone. So getting back with him is much better than being alone, you think. Being in an unhealthy relationship is damaging you more than the feeling of being alone and lonesome does. So, the key would be to choose your sanity and health, and instead of continuing a bad relationship just to avoid being alone, work on channeling that energy into your health and well-being. That is when you’ll stumble onto an equally healthy person who you could possibly have a relationship with – one that isn’t damaging.
Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.