5 Stages of a Breakup

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Breaking up with a beau is best described as a process. You are likely experience a variation of emotions and that’s okay. Here are 5 stages of a Breakup. You may not experience all of these emotions or you may experience them in different orders, but one thing is for sure, these stages provide a glimpse into what it feels like to go through a break up.

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Denial: Shock may be one of the first emotions you experience. You may be in disbelief about your loss. For some of us this may come with “whew” (whipping the forehead) because you may be relieved to finally have your freedom. Others may experience a paralyzing disbelief, “what do I do now?” This may too be accompanied by acting as if everything is “okay” when the truth of the matter is that you are probably bubbling over with emotions.

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Anger: All the worst things about your break up might surface – you are angry about all the things he or she put you through. The thought of your ex’s name upsets you so much so that you may need to take out some of your aggression – punching bag, constant conversations with your girlfriends, or dare we say it – even verbal battles with your past beau. This stage may have your emotions on high alert!

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Depression: Many say anger is a secondary emotion and that underneath is usually a sense of loss and dispair. If this is true, once the anger wears off you may be left feeling desolate – with a broken heart. All the things you hated about your ex are overridden with all the great memories you had. You may experience an intense void, wishing things could be different.

Woman sitting on floor with a cell phone

Bargaining: Wishful dispair may turn to you thinking about all the what ifs, should haves, could haves, and would haves. You may blame yourself for the demise and wonder what would have happened if you handled things diferently. You probably contemplate calling him or her and some of us even do. Others may sit by the phone wishing their ex would call or wonder by old spots just hoping the two of you will run in to each other. The facebook and twitter stalking comes next prying on his or her every move, “how could he or she be so happy without me?”

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Acceptance: It’s not the easiest thing to do but eventually we all hopefully come to this place. We may not necessarily like it but we accept that our relationship is over. We experience a myriad of emotions but instead of trying to deny or evade them we learn to deal with the sadness, anger, and sense of abandonment. This leads to healing – the point at which we can fully, wholly, and healthily move forward knowing that this person may be a significant memory but doesn’t have to define our existence. We embrace the losses in life  and we continue live.

What do you think lovelies?

Am I Ready To Be In A Relationship?

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After a long date with singledom, battling through the heartache of a break up, and a fun stint dating multiple beaus, I’m finally contemplating that final stage. Dare I say it – a relationship? I never thought the day would come so soon where I could trust love again to give it another try. However, matters of the heart always mend themselves, so much so that if you work through the pain one day you will be ready to love again. I think that day has come – at least where I am actually open to the possibility.

Red heart wound around chain and locked on lock. There is a clipping path

When he broke my heart I swore I’d never love again – I told myself I would never  trust another with something so sacred. I hated all men, categorizing them all as selfish, egotistical, and untrustworthy. I entered singledom barren and desolate with nothing left but the ruins of what used to be hopeless romanticism. After a date with misery I decided to date again but this time with a hardened heart – dating one guy at a time was not an option. So man after man entered my life and like such I rotated them out – using them as pure entertainment to occupy my free time but never allowing them to get too close. I once almost gave my heart but of course he showed his true colors, building my wall up even higher.

Each man showed me parts of the man I always wanted but none were enough to open my heart. Every guy I dated had an expiration date and as such they were no good to me when my mood timer ticked off. I was becoming numb to dating, so much so at one point I didn’t even recognize myself. Who was this maneater I was becoming? Luckily introspection and a date with fate cycled me back into to singledom so I could self-reflect on my destructive ways. Why was I shutting everyone out? Was I so hurt that I couldn’t even let myself breath?

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I wasn’t sure if I liked the woman I was becoming. As much as she closed herself off so that she couldn’t get hurt, she too was closed off from what she wanted most – to be loved, supported, respected, and treated like royalty. What would happen if she just let down her guard and was open to the possibility of letting someone love her again? Confirmation came in a let down, which would be her final heart break. She turned her misery into an opportunity to be loved and appreciated. She stepped out of pessimism into the world of her dreams. The moment she let go of her heart she began to live the life she always imagined.

Sometimes the people you love just won’t love you back. I have tried everything in my power to make a man see me but I couldn’t force what wasn’t meant to be. The moment I stopped trying and started living I opened myself up to living a dream. I opened my eyes to someone who recognized my value and treated me like such – happiness ensued. I lived in the moment and felt once more the joy of being loved and seen for who I truly am. Finally I realized that this feeling was up to me. Timing and the right person is everything. Who knows where life will take me but now I am able to say that my heart is open and willing to love again. And if and when that day shall come – I will say yes to being in a relationship. A revelation that came from living through heartbreak, singledom, and dating. I say with confidence and peace in my heart, yes I am finally ready to be in a relationship.

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