The Journey to Great Sex

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Sex is all about the connection between you and your partner. Do you trust each other? Are you open to try new things? Are you willing to be honest and learn from each other? These are all important qualities for implementation of the following tips to great sex! Grab your partner and read along!

You Can’t Go Wrong With the Clitoris

The clitoris is a reliable way to elicit arousal. Your best chances lie within that tiny little pearl. For most women, it’s easier to orgasm through clitoral stimulation than penetration. With 8,000 nerve endings packed into something the size of a pencil eraser, it’s no wonder clitoral orgasm is favored. Just remember, gentleness is key. Rough, direct contact to the clitoris, without lubricant feels like sand paper on an open wound. So exercise gentleness, please.

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Take a Risk, Bare it All

Standing with the covers wrapped tightly around you as if you’re in your gynecologist’s office creates tension. Remember, he wants to see you or he wouldn’t be there. Better yet, if he didn’t want to explore and ogle your beautiful nakedness, you shouldn’t give him that luxury, anyway. Refusing your lover a glimpse of your body sends the message that you don’t want to be there and your lover might wonder if you’re even turned on by them. Don’t hesitate to let them know.

Tip: Compliments are powerful tools, and remember, it’s not a women’s-only worry. Men feel insecurities, too so let’s make a pact to complement each other and encourage each other’s nudity! Remember to complement each other throughout the day as well as during and after sex.

Bottom line: If you can muster up the nerve, try on your birthday suit, just once, you can guarantee whether or not your partner is turned on by you. If you can’t, then at least make a promise to work on your self-image. Another promise, everything’s more fun naked (as long as it’s legal).

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 Don’t Stop

Juliet Richters, Ph. D., author of “Doing it Down Under” took a survey from  19,000+ people where 52% of women said they’ve made a guy stop in the middle of foreplay — including oral stimulation — because they were afraid of taking too long. Speaking from personal experience, the worry of taking too long does hinder orgasm. Had my partner not been diligent and reassuring, I would have far fewer orgasms. On the bright side, there are ways to speed up arousal. Contrary to popular thoughts, quick tongue movements won’t speed up her arousal/orgasm. In fact, they’ll do the opposite. While every girl, but fast licks only numb the clitoris. Slow, gentle movements, on the other hand, can speed up “O” time significantly. So, guys, take your time to bring her to the good stuff and let her know. Ladies reassure your partner that he can stop you any time, although it’s unlikely that he will take you up on that offer.

Tip: Gentle massaging of the clitoris before engaging in oral foreplay gets the blood flowing quicker. So, when you swap your hand/finger/vibrator for oral, you skip the first few minutes it takes to get the sucker to respond, and therefore you’ll get your “Big-Bang” quicker.

If you can’t bring yourself to dine south of the border (I know, lack of classy words), then be upfront about it. Nobody wants someone down there who’s resentful the entire time.

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Doggy-Style with a Side of Romance

During the position crudely deemed “doggy-style,” romance, isn’t a word that comes to mind, but it’s quite sensational, nonetheless. To put an intimate twist to this impersonal position, place your hand under her chin, and look into her eyes for a second – it shows you’re interested in more than just her lower half. Kiss the tip of her shoulder and then the small of her back to remind that you care.

Tip: The more bodily contact, the better, so don’t limit your hands to her hips. Run your fingers down her spine… and elsewhere!

Enjoy these tips this week and check back next week for Part 2 of Great Sex for Two!

Written by: Kendra Richards is a writer, pet lover, aloe vera-eater and a woman of many talents. If she isn’t passionately typing away, she’s more than likely spending time with her family, pets, boyfriend or attempting to sew something. It’s also possible that she’s buried deep in some type of activism work. Writing anything and everything from beauty, health, fashion product reviews to informational articles, she loves variety when it comes to reading and  writing. A people and animal lover, she believes cats are super heroes in disguise.

 

Kiss and Tell

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For those of us in the dating stage, it’s all about meeting people, going out, getting to know others, and just having fun. One person may be in heavy rotation one week and the next week they might be benched- that is just the way dating goes. This begs the question – when is it okay to become intimate with a beau? For some of us it can weigh quite heavy on our heart. Should I kiss on the first date? Is casual sex okay? Can I be intimate with more than one person?
These types of questions can often get swept under the rug but the truth is we contemplate them often when we are in the dating stage. We may turn to our friends, family, or our faith for answers – and of course U Blush. While gathering data from multiple sources is great, at the end of the day we are the ones making the final decision – after all it’s just you and your date when implementing the decision comes it to play. Intimacy is ultimately a choice each contemporary, professional stylista must make but here are questions you may want to consider when making a decision.
  1. What are my personal morals and values?
  2. How comfortable am I with this person?
  3. Will this person be around next week – does the answer to this matter to me?
  4. How many other people am I dating?
  5. What will it mean if I do become physical?
  6. What do I want out of dating?
  7. What do I want from this person?
  8. What does this person want from me?
Dating can come with a lot of decisions. To us, the most important thing is knowing yourself and what you’re comfortable with. What works for you may not fit another person and vice versa, but guess what that’s okay. There’s nothing worse than making a decision without fully thinking it through or one in which you might later regret. So lovelies, how do you decide? Go ahead and leave a comment! We are all a part of the U Blush Family, so it is okay to “Kiss and Tell.”

Cheating: Why Do We Do It?

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Sexy scandals are the norm in the media and popular culture. We’ve seen the public outing of Hollywood cheaters and indulge in dramatic film and television shows where each character is tied up in a dangerous love affair. Personally, I’m sure we know people who cheat and have been cheated on. If we’re honest we have been in a relationship where this has happened. According to an MSNBC.com/iVillage Lust, Love & Loyalty survey about one in five adults in monogamous relationships, or 22 percent, have cheated on their current partner, a rate that was even higher among married men. Results also showed that nearly half of respondents admit to unfaithful at some point in their lives. Though these rates of infidelity are startling, according to the General Social Survey,  in the 2000s, 78 percent of men and 84 percent of women believed that cheating was always wrong [source: Jayson].  So why do we do it?

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Emotionally Unfulfilled: We often underestimate the cost of neglect. I’ve experienced being in a relationship where I yearned for intimacy from my partner who was too busy to give it. When a person feels ignored or unnoticed they may seek attention from someone else. This is often identified with the lonely housewife who’s husband is always working, but in reality this can happen to anyone – men too. When another person comes along to give you a listening ear and make you feel like you matter – it’s gold. In these cases it’s often not about the physical, rather an emotional connection.

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Feeling unwanted or inferior: This may be connected to emotional unfulfillment but it’s nuanced. I was once told that I made a guy feel like he didn’t matter. Consequently he turned to other women who made him feel like a king. I paid attention to him, we had long conversations and I was emotionally supportive during difficult times. However, in some ways I think he felt emasculated, because at the end of the day he felt I didn’t need him and he wasn’t important. When you feel “less than” in a relationship, it may lead you to seek affirmation elsewhere.

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The Thrill: Some people like the excitement of an affairs. Having multiple women or men make this person feel like the man or woman. It’s a valor of armor. Sometimes the risk is the fun.

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Revenge: I’ve been here. You are angry at your partner for cheating, neglecting, or hurting you in some manner. In this moment nothing says I hate you better than getting  extra-relational attention. It’s this type of cheating that may be considered “sloppy”  because the person may actually want to get caught. It’s a part of their plan to hurt their partner the way that they’ve been wronged.

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The End is Near: These people have already checked out of their relationship, they are just preparing themselves for their exit. Cheating in this case may be more planned than spontaneous. They may have found a person with whom they want to be with and are warming themselves up to making the switch. Others may just warm themselves up to the idea of being with someone else even if it’s not the person they have cheated with. Yet another batch up people may be looking for an out and see cheating as their opportunity – again being “sloppy” as a means of getting caught.

What do you think lovelies? Statistics show that by far Americans perceive cheating as morally wrong, yet a sizable number of people are unfaithful. Are these reasons why you have or would cheated? Are any of these reasons more understandable than others?

Let’s Talk About Sex

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Mixed Messages

Sex. Yes, I said it. It can be such a taboo topic yet it’s all around us. We have vicious debates about whether we should include sex education in schools, some parents are mum on the topic, and when it comes to educated and sophisticated ladies, well that’s something that’s kept in private. On the other hand passionate love scenes are the norm in television and film, celebrities have made careers out of home movies, and sex sells. It is ironic how sex can be a faux pas?

U Blush Magazine has too been caught in this irony. We cater to the contemporary, professional, stylista, yet there has been no discussion of sex. Well, there have been private discussions but it has yet to venture into editorial content. Like many professional women we struggle with defining ourselves as sophisticated and empowered women while maintaining our rights to express our sexuality.

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Recently, Beyonce and Rihanna posed in a sexy spread for GQ magazine. I love Queen Bey but I must admit my hesitation with placing the image on the magazine. This created quite the stir among the U Blush team. Was the photo too sexy? Was Beyonce’s spread classier than Rihanna’s? Perhaps image and reputation had more to do with that thought? A myriad of questions and opinions filled the conversation, which leads to an important discussion about women and sexuality. In a time where sex is everywhere, yet taboo, where’s the line between hyper-sexuality and a healthy sexuality?

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

As a child my parents never talked about sex. Approaching adulthood the conversations were to “be careful” and reframe from sex before marriage. Other then this I did not hear much else from my parents or any adult for that matter. But in popular media and conversations with friends sex was always a topic. Like many developing women I received mixed messages: “Sex is great everyone is doing it” and “Don’t have it, it’s bad.”

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A Historical Perspective

The nineteenth century cult of true womanhood valued chastity. For women of color, stereotypes and racial prejudice represented an additional burden. I recently read a review on black sexual politics addressing the middle class Black women’s attempt to counter negative stereotypes by being civil and minimizing their sexuality.  “Conservative sexual behavior is the foundation of the performance of middle-class black womanhood,” then it dawned on me, these standards are still prevalent today.

Women have a long history of being expected to subdue their sexuality in the name of respectability. It is no wonder that even in the 21st century professional women must still negotiate where to draw the line of sexual appropriateness. Compared to the Victorian era, sex has made its way into the public domain with a preponderance of sexual imagery in media, fashion, and popular culture– we love our sex scandals. Within a society where women are often hyper-sexualized, in a quest to be treated as equal to men, to be treated with respect, and taken seriously, professional women may feel the need to cling to the politics of respectability.

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The Contemporary Woman

As a professional woman, I too must contend with mixed messages that are sometimes hard to reconcile. My religious upbringing has a strong stance against sex before marriage. Additionally I value the perception others have of me as a respectable professional and it often seems public expressions of sexuality are antithetical to this image. However,  I am human. I enjoy talking about sex with my girlfriends. I have sexual urges, desires, and interest. What is a woman to do when she has all of this to negotiate?

I am not here to change your moral compass. What I am calling for is a healthy discussion about sex because it is a part of human nature. I grew up with little to no discourse beyond “don’t do it,” because of this I must admit I have been ill informed, unprepared, and uncomfortable when I have had to make decisions about sex. It is a disservice to raise a generation of women who have minimal knowledge of sex and their bodies. This is particularly important in regards to HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases.

  • Women account for one in four new HIV diagnoses and deaths caused by AIDS.
  • African Americans and Hispanics represent 26 percent of all women in the U.S. but they account for 82 percent of AIDS cases among women.

Sex is real and has real life implications. Silence and our decision to ignore reality is not only emotionally and psychologically costly– it can be deadly.

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 “A Healthy Appreciation for Sex”

U Blush magazine is the premiere platform for the contemporary, professional woman. We cannot be a voice of the women of our generation if we ignore a central part of what women negotiate. We all make decisions about the clothes we wear, who we date, whether or not we will have sex, with whom, and if we will use protection. Our choice to have sex and how we express our sexuality is a personal decision that each of us must make. Our morals, values, and comfort levels may differ but we all must traverse similar terrain. How can we embrace our femininity, sexuality, and womanhood without falling into the tramp of being either hyper-sexualized and exploited, or being rigid and desexualized? Where does the line lay? How do we move away from monolithic images of women and sexuality to images that are multidimensional and multifaceted? These conversations belong in this publication.

U Blush Magazine is joining the movement to empower women to take control of their bodies, their images, and their lives. Sexual agency and exploration is central to the lives of today’s women. Integral to our womanhood is being the creators and authority of our own realities. U Blush pledge’s to embrace our sexuality in a healthy manner and respect each woman’s ability and right to define and express herself as best suits her.

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