4 Signs It’s Time To Breakup

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Breaking up is not always easy.  We may get an inkling that it’s time to part ways but there’s something that keeps us from saying goodbye. The back and fourth can hinder our ability to move forward from a long overdue break up. Perhaps we are scared of becoming that broken hearted girl, in love, or just want to avoid a loss, so much so that we ignore the tall tell signs that it’s time to go. Once we finally break up we look back and see all the red flags. Hind sight is twenty twenty, yet how do you know when it’s time to let go before this? Here are 4 signs that we may need to close the curtains on a relationship.

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1. Distrust: Trust is one of the most important features of a relationship. If you get to the point where you are going through your partner’s phone and personal belongings, that is a sign of distrust. This may be an internal issue for you to work out within yourself or it may be  gut response elicited from your partner’s action. None-the-less, these behaviors can become addictive and be problematic for both parties.  If your partner eventually finds out he or she may feel violated and may question their ability to trust you as well – a recipe for disaster. If you get the inkling to dig, start by asking yourself why. Invading your partner’s privacy may sooth your anxiety in the moment but the saying goes, “if you look for something you will find it.” And then what?

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2. Unhappiness: Happiness is a process, a way of being, not an end state. In general your partner should bring you joy. Of course there will be times where you are angered or even saddened by your partner, that’s a part of relationships. However, if you constantly feel unhappy in a relationship that is telling. Your experience, despite difficult times, should be pleasant and if it’s more displeasure it may not be worth it. Your beau should make you better, not worse.

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3. Arguing: Disagreements will occur in any relationship. But if you’re constantly fighting and arguing with a partner that may be a sign that some needs aren’t getting met and communication between the two of you is broken. Relationships are not easy, but they also shouldn’t be that hard. There will undoubtedly be difficult times but if the bad outweighs the good you may want to rethink it.

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4. Time: Spending time together is the mainstay of a partnership. It takes time to build and maintain a strong bond. It’s natural to have moments during your relationship where you spend less time together. Plus, life happens. You have other responsibilities like work, hobbies, and spending times with friends that may keep you from spending all of your time with your beau, and that’s okay. In balance, it’s actually quite healthy. However, If you find that you like spending more time away from your partner than together, you continually choose other people or activities over your partner, and you make excuses as to why you can’t be with him or her, you should listen to that. What is this lack of time telling you?

Cheating: Why Do We Do It?

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Sexy scandals are the norm in the media and popular culture. We’ve seen the public outing of Hollywood cheaters and indulge in dramatic film and television shows where each character is tied up in a dangerous love affair. Personally, I’m sure we know people who cheat and have been cheated on. If we’re honest we have been in a relationship where this has happened. According to an MSNBC.com/iVillage Lust, Love & Loyalty survey about one in five adults in monogamous relationships, or 22 percent, have cheated on their current partner, a rate that was even higher among married men. Results also showed that nearly half of respondents admit to unfaithful at some point in their lives. Though these rates of infidelity are startling, according to the General Social Survey,  in the 2000s, 78 percent of men and 84 percent of women believed that cheating was always wrong [source: Jayson].  So why do we do it?

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Emotionally Unfulfilled: We often underestimate the cost of neglect. I’ve experienced being in a relationship where I yearned for intimacy from my partner who was too busy to give it. When a person feels ignored or unnoticed they may seek attention from someone else. This is often identified with the lonely housewife who’s husband is always working, but in reality this can happen to anyone – men too. When another person comes along to give you a listening ear and make you feel like you matter – it’s gold. In these cases it’s often not about the physical, rather an emotional connection.

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Feeling unwanted or inferior: This may be connected to emotional unfulfillment but it’s nuanced. I was once told that I made a guy feel like he didn’t matter. Consequently he turned to other women who made him feel like a king. I paid attention to him, we had long conversations and I was emotionally supportive during difficult times. However, in some ways I think he felt emasculated, because at the end of the day he felt I didn’t need him and he wasn’t important. When you feel “less than” in a relationship, it may lead you to seek affirmation elsewhere.

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The Thrill: Some people like the excitement of an affairs. Having multiple women or men make this person feel like the man or woman. It’s a valor of armor. Sometimes the risk is the fun.

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Revenge: I’ve been here. You are angry at your partner for cheating, neglecting, or hurting you in some manner. In this moment nothing says I hate you better than getting  extra-relational attention. It’s this type of cheating that may be considered “sloppy”  because the person may actually want to get caught. It’s a part of their plan to hurt their partner the way that they’ve been wronged.

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The End is Near: These people have already checked out of their relationship, they are just preparing themselves for their exit. Cheating in this case may be more planned than spontaneous. They may have found a person with whom they want to be with and are warming themselves up to making the switch. Others may just warm themselves up to the idea of being with someone else even if it’s not the person they have cheated with. Yet another batch up people may be looking for an out and see cheating as their opportunity – again being “sloppy” as a means of getting caught.

What do you think lovelies? Statistics show that by far Americans perceive cheating as morally wrong, yet a sizable number of people are unfaithful. Are these reasons why you have or would cheated? Are any of these reasons more understandable than others?

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